“I thought I needed to catch up [with Emotions – Some participants, particularly those with health or mobility issues, and young technology] so that I could be on the same new mums, avoided going out or engaging with page…but the cost would be £40 a week.” friends and family as regularly as they would (Retired/empty nester, Male, Oldham, 55–74) have liked due to concerns about being a burden for existing social connections. The ‘burden Energy – Sometimes, participants said that they narrative’ was a powerful one, with participants had difficulty prioritising social connection against repeatedly rationalising their experience of competing demands for their energy. Taking the loneliness as a result of them not wanting to time to connect in a meaningful way sometimes felt ‘bother’, ‘unduly burden’ or ‘inconvenience’ too hard once participants had met the needs of people in their lives. work, errands, childcare and care for partners and “I do not want to inconvenience others others. In an ever moving and fast paced modern because they have to push my wheelchair.” world, establishing or maintaining connections was (Mobility, Female, London, 55-74) seen to not make the priorities cut. “There’s no ‘me space’. [I] always feel tired and drained, especially with the children; Changed habits – As discussed in the previous section, transitional moments in participants’ lives juggling work and hobbies with their needs, disrupted some of their habits and hence took homework and activities.” (Young new mum, away their opportunities to connect: the divorcee London, 18-24) no longer going on regular social events with his or her partner; the parent no longer going to the Confidence – Participants frequently cited lack academic, sporting or social events for their child of confidence as a barrier to social connection. who has moved out of the home; the bereaved Lack of confidence, either in general or that family member no longer attending family has come about from life events such as gatherings that their departed family member divorce or separation, or retirement, fuelled a used to co-ordinate. Participants also developed negative internal dialogue when they considered habits of being alone that led them away from engaging or actually engaged with others opportunities to engage. socially. Participants said that at worst, they were “When I fell out of work that was a low point. distracted when trying to talk to others by worries Not because I like working because I don’t, about self-worth; others said that once ‘out of but the fact that I miss the lads and the laughs practice’ they thought they engaged in ways that and jokes we used to play on each other... other people might feel strange, which worried It felt like a loss.” them and made connecting feel harder. Without (Mobility, Male, London, 55-74) confidence to engage with others and to take up opportunities for connection, loneliness was more likely to take root. “As people started to arrive all smiling and happy to be helping with fundraising, I myself became more anxious and feeling strangely that what I was doing was just not good enough.” (Health, Female, Oldham, 55-74) What causes loneliness, and how can it become chronic? 23